[Saint-Valentin] Polygamie et 14 février : Le guide de survie pour un foyer sans tensions
In polygamous couples, Valentine's Day isn't always celebrated like anywhere else. Between organizing gift-giving shifts, managing emotions, and maintaining a delicate balance, this celebration can quickly become a source of tension. Who really benefits from the gifts? How can jealousy be avoided? Relationship coach Kiné Ndiaye analyzes the issues and offers practical advice for preserving harmony within the home.
"Valentine's Day should never disrupt the tour schedule."
The issue of physical presence is often the first point of contention. For Kiné Ndiaye, the basic rule is clarity: "Valentine's Day should never disrupt the rotation schedule." In practical terms, the husband should spend the day with the wife whose home he is staying with on Valentine's Day. According to her, this provides necessary stability. For the other wives, it's possible to anticipate or compensate during their rotations in February. What matters, according to the expert, is consistency and continuity in how the wives are treated.
The major mistake: forgetfulness or negligence
February 14th is a time when every wife unconsciously assesses her place in her husband's heart. The fatal mistake would be to neglect the wives who aren't "on the day." To avoid any feeling of injustice, a symbolic gesture is essential for all: a gift, a personalized letter, a reassuring phone call, or a piece of jewelry. "It's not necessarily being present on the day itself that's most reassuring, but rather consistency and intention," the coach emphasizes.
Jealousy and "false fairness": pitfalls to avoid
Three situations pose a particular risk, according to the expert. First, distance, because when a wife lives far away, feelings of exclusion can intensify. Second, comparisons regarding gifts, outings, or attention, which become sources of rivalry if communication is lacking. Finally, the false sense of fairness, which consists of celebrating at the same time with all the wives to appear "just," can prove to be a major emotional mistake. "In polygamy, fairness doesn't mean receiving the same thing, but having the same value in the eyes of one's husband," explains Kiné Ndiaye.
Protecting oneself from the gaze of others and social networks
To celebrate peacefully, the coach recommends taking the pressure off the event. She particularly warns against social media and ostentatious displays designed to provoke jealousy. "Social media shows a scene, not the entire relationship," she reminds us. She encourages couples to adapt the celebration to their reality, whether it's a video conference dinner if distance necessitates it or a celebration at a later date. Ultimately, Valentine's Day is possible in a polygamous relationship if sincere intention is prioritized over competitive displays.
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